When i was younger (14 or 15) when i first saw this quote, i didnt thoroughly understand it, but now, i do.
When I was younger ( and i assume everyone would think the same), I never knew how much I could grow in just the next few years and now looking back... wow. I was a kid that knew nothing back then.
Back then, I was trying to find out who I was. And over the years, i've changed so much and gotten to know so much more about myself and learnt so much about life from the people i meet, the things i do, the music i listen to, the books i read and the movies i watch.
and this is a quote i came across the other day,
"Everything you do today is important, because what you do today, changes one day of your life." -- (i forgot who it was from hehe)
Everything you do and say, changes your life and the people around you. One wrong word said, may affect another person without you knowing. i understand this so clearly because i've met so many obnoxious people in my life that dont give a damn about other ppl's feelings. and some people who are really nice but dont think before they talk. and some that thinks before they talk but once in a while, a few wrong words slip out from their mouths and i've been affected by the smallest little comment some people made about me and i cant get myself to forget it. And i myself am so scared that i'll be hurting others by the things i say, if i have, then i am really really sorry.
Everyone has their own problems and everyone has gone through different experiences, i myself feel like i've gone through more than others. and i've just learnt so much and grown so much through everything i've gone through. I'm a person that avoids problems, i've never been brave to face them, but everytime i choose to face them, i try my best to get through them asap. and after that, i would realise that it wasnt as bad as i thought i would be. and some events in my life that have affected me the most... one of them was Confirmation camp. I rmb i was so reluctant to go, although i cant say that i've enjoyed or really had fun at it, but i learnt something from it. It was the inner-healing session that had a great impact on me. before the session, they alr said, they knew ppl were gonna cry so they had facilitators around to give you tissue. I knew i wasnt an emotional person but i knew i would cry because others said normally everyone cries during the session but i never imagined i would cry so much, my friend Amanda was so shocked too. I cried so much and cried so hard that at the end of the session, i had like 10 tissues in my hand.
and i never wanted to admit it, or even say it out, but that just proved how broken i was deep inside.
and that inner-healing session changed me so much. It helped me so much.
I think i've grew the most when i was 16 and 17 years old, including this year. And in a month's time, i would be 18 alr. i'm not that excited about it though. how fast time passes huh.
Over these few years, i grew so much closer to my family and learnt to appreciate them so much more especially this year since i'm away from home. I wasnt close to them when i was younger, and i'm happy things changed, i changed, i started to open up. Although i still dont talk about a lot of stuff with my family but i know that we're close. When i was younger, i could never understand how my friends could tell their mums everything that happens in their life, because i was never a person to tell my mum anything. We basically only talked during dinner time. But then i grew up, and knew how important communicating with your family was, doesnt matter whether you talk about anything serious but plainly communicating is important.
tbh, before coming to Subang, before leaving home, i never ever thought i would miss home this much. because although i've grown closer to my family, but i never spent a lot of time with them, i spent most of my time alone in my room everyday. but now i realised, by just knowing that they were in the next room was more than enough. Knowing that i wasnt alone.
I miss my family, my mum the most definitely, but i never call her. The only time i called her was on her bday (which reminds me i should make a blog post about her bday). The reason why i never call, is because i never know what to say.
And since i started college, i realised that i wont be able to spend much time at home from now onwards. :(
I'll be going home next week and after that week, no more holidays till the year end holidays. and after that will be CNY hols, and after that no more holidays till I graduate.
After i graduate, if everything works out, i would be on a plane to UK in Aug/Sept. And from then onwards, how much time will I be able to spend at home? I fear that thought. I never let my mind near that thought as it freaks me out. And the other day, Hy mentioned having a farewell party for me if i really get to go to UK.
And that freaked me out too, knowing that after i leave, i wont be able to come back often. and that's just really scary.
Something i learnt about myself too is how i just know ppl. like how i know who are the ppl i want to keep in my life who to stay away from. Some ppl can be close to me, but some, no matter how much we talk, how much we try, we just... stay as friends, some not even friends. And some that i chose to trust and belief could be a friend... just met at the wrong time i guess. I've always known this about myself but i never admitted it because i wasnt so sure of it. But now, i'm sure of it, because some ppl i've met throughout the years just proved it to me, like how some ppl i used to stay away from, and friends would be asking why, as they didnt think he/she was that bad of a person but i just knew. I guess because i'm quite an observant person, every detail of a person tells what kind of a person he/she is and most importantly, everything they say. And it's the details that are important. Like most importantly, people who treat their family well. These are the best people. That doesnt mean you need to be close to your family, all you need to do is to care. I think that's the most important aspect.
That's all for my rant. I've always wanted to blog about stuff like these but i dunno what stopped me from it, maybe it was just myself.
As you can see by how long i havent been blogging and i havent been reading any other blogs too, i have been busy living a boring life.
one more thing, until now, the one thing i cant figure out is why ppl never made fun of me, no one ever makes fun of me. never. or maybe i just dont rmb. maybe in primary school, my friends did. but i dont really rmb.
