Looking Back at 2012

i dont really know why i'm writing this blogpost....
I was blogging the last post and my mind just wandered into memories from 2012...
so much has happened, so much has changed and there's still so much more to come. 2012 really went by too quickly. I really dont think i've had the time to appreciate it.
 thinking back, January really seems so far away. When I moved out of the house and started college.
And i actually got through all the stupid exams and endured college life until now.
Moving out was a huge change i guess. At first, before really moving to Subang, i didnt think much about it, never thought i would miss home. but like the saying goes, "You never know how important something is until you lose it." Surely, i didnt lose anything but staying away from home wasnt easy. I ended up missing home and family and friends a lot. And now thinking about it, i wont have much time to spend at home anymore.
that thought scares me all the time. I'm still not sure of how my life in 2013 will be like, i'm sure it'll be hectic and tiring. and more changes to come. I'm truly scared.

What else happened in 2012? hmmm.... after CNY, I had chicken pox... TT_____TT i suffered so much. The headaches and fever and the itchiness. urgh. so glad it's all over and wont have to go through it again. and i nearly thought i was going to have to skip Beautiful Show because of it. LOL
and Beautiful Show~~~ one of the best memories ever! Seeing Beast sing all my favourite songs live~~~ Seeing Junhyung SING LIVE!!! and Hyunseung's sexiness~ and Dongwoon singing OMGGGGG this can go on forever. ppl are saying Cube will have United Cube Concert in Msia next year... please dont come to Msia... pls dont. i dont have the money for it.

Went to Bali this year~ The only overseas trip for 2012. it was short and kinda boring but Bali is such a nice place~ I really want to go back there to fully enjoy all it has to offer!

And looking back at 2012, *laughs* how much money have i spent on Beast????
I definitely spent A LOT. starting the year with Welcome To Beast Airline Concert DVD. Then in March, BEAUTIFUL SHOW~~~ Oh my gosh, dont even dare to calculate how much money i spent on the ticket and merchandises. Then, Beast Meets B2uty photobook. In June, Beast's 5th Mini Album and their limited edition album. Then Beast's Beautiful Show Photobook. And Yoseob's album. and just a few days ago, once i got some cash during Christmas, I spent it on ordering Beast's Beautiful Show in Seoul concert dvd. I guess that's all... i dont think i missed out anything... okay... dont even dare to calculate. May 2013 be a prosperous year for me please~ I need money for Beast! and my Macau trip.... TT____TT
Besides money, i definitely spent a lot of my time on Beast too. I didnt really have an interesting life in 2012, but Beast was a big part of it. and always will be! really cannot imagine my life without them.
I know i've said it many times, but thinking back to all the good memories, i just have to say it again, Beast makes me genuinely happy. I know i'm a crazy fangirl but i cant help it.

Oh... and the hard times during the year was definitely exam periods and the period where i needed to apply for uni. phew... i cannot be any happier that i got over with it. The most stressful i've ever been was when i needed to write my personal statement. urgh. thinking back makes me feel sick. i wouldnt have been able to get through it without my uncle's and aunt's help though, so I really need to thank them. I'm a lucky girl.

This year, i was able to meet A Pink for the first time~ They need to have their comeback now!!! I need cute songs~~~ I miss them soo much! Also, this year, i got my first smartphone~ although i dont treat my phone as importantly as some others, but i'm still very thankful for it~
And I finally made my fangirl twitter acc this year! I've always wanted to make one but just kept enduring with my personal one until one day, i just couldnt stand it anymore.
I havent been back reading my personal acc ever since i came back to JB... I only go through a few accounts. Spending all my time on my fangirl acc~ it's my happy place. :)
And lastly, Awaken. I think it's one of the best moments of my life. hands down the best.

All the precious memories... all the happy times and sad times, has all passed. It's time for a new year!
I really hope it can be a better year, but what's the definition of "better"?
Will be ending the year tmr with all the precious friends! Cant wait~

and i'm still craving more of Beast.... but the boys need rest.




P/S:
in the last blog post about Awaken i didnt get to mention this... it's just a thought i wanted to share.
about sharing. over the past few years, especially during camps, i've always hated sharing. I always thought that sharing was a way of telling ppl your problems and who you really are and by doing that, ppl would pity you and look at you differently because of what you shared about yourself, of who you really are.
but just a few days ago, before i wrote my blog post, coincidentally, i randomly clicked on one of missglamorazzi's vlogs called "Dear Youtube", which was a 2011 vlog and she shared some stuff about herself. and she mentioned that by sharing, it's a way to put yourself out there for ppl to see the real you. and in a way, it's showing that you're fine with who you are and you dont mind letting others know about it.
and yes, sure there's gonna be some annoying idiots out there who judges every word you say but there are also a lot of good ppl out there who are very understanding. but if you're happy and confident about yourself, you wont care. and i guess i'm still taking baby steps to being happy in my own skin, accepting myself for who i am. and i just want to mention that Ingrid (missglamorazzi) is very inspirational, i admire her. despite all she has went through, she can still be so positive about  everything and to be happy in her own skin, and most of all, being able to share all of that with the whole world. and which is always why i find Beast inspirational too (LOL always ending up with Beast).  especially Yoseob, he's just a ball of energy and laughter and smiles~ sure, he has his down times too but when you see him smile, it's a genuine smile that would affect those around him too.
 And Hyunah, I inspire Hyunah a lot. she's a girl that has went through so much too. She doesnt hide the fact that she cant sing. Instead she flaunts her confidence like nobody else does. I always love watching her fancams from her fansign events because she brings happiness to her fans. I really dunno how she does it. and i sometimes also watch some behind the scenes videos of Hyunah, and off-stage, she's a girl exploding with cuteness~ bringing happiness to those around her~
so sometimes, i know this is kinda off the subject but still, sometimes, i really do not understand those who are so negative about everything small problem they're going through in life when some ppl out there are going through so much more but can still bring others happiness. seriously, some ppl need to stop being so emo.

i'm still finding myself and deciding on who i want to be. it's so easy to get influenced by others, especially online. and society too. society decides on what is right and what is wrong and we easily get carried along. I want to have my own mind and stand up for what i believe in and basically, dare to be different.

The Last Day of 2012

31st December 2012. The last day of 2012.... wow. How... just how did time fly by just like that.
and since it's the end of 2012, i felt like blogging before the year ends!
i've been quite busy since i came home to JB, so here are some photos~ actually, there's a lot!

 my bro waited till i came back from Awaken to put up the Christmas tree tgt!

this year's colour is silver and purple~ 

and we has a pre-christmas dinner with my Aunt because she wasnt able to spend Christmas with us~

we had roast chicken and roast potato with stuffing~ and for dessert, we had Christmas pudding all the way from London~

 this is the decorations of a restaurant we went to while we were at Kluang. 

we made a day trip to Kluang to send my Aunt to her friend's house.

 and this grilled dory fish was the only yummy dish we ordered out of all the things we ordered.

us with my mum's friends. 

 last weekend my mum and I went to KSL City to check out their new stuff at their hotel~

because my mum designed/worked on most of  KSL's plans and buildings so she want to go look at how it has progressed.

the photo above shows a mini stage they have at a bar area~ looks really nice! it'll be really nice to have a party there!

 there's be a mini water theme park there in the future~

 outside is a balcony or a place they call a 'beer garden' where you can also have a party! i want to have a party there~ it'll look so nice once everything is fully built!

and the hotel tower~

 the bar indoors~

 and they have indoor golf for all the businessmen and uncles.

 that night, we went to Sacred Heart Church for a Christmas play~ all the youths and the choir was amazing!

 The First Collage album finally reached me last week~

Yang Yo Seob trying to win over all the fans! >__<

 nails for Christmas and New Year~ i really loveee this colour~ but it's gonna be so hard to wash off....

 for our Christmas eve dinner, mummy cooked devil curry!!! but it wasnt spicy this time... mummy said she overestimated the chili.

time to go for midnight mass~ it didnt end at midnight though and this year's atmosphere wasnt as festive as before.

gonna cut my hair soon.... TT_____TT 

 after mass. hehehe derp face.

 me being a creeper again. LOL but Brian is just sooo cute~~~

he needs to grow taller faster. i can already foresee, he's gonna look really good if he's tall~ LOL

 all the boys are taller than me alr... TT____TT especially Dominic and Zacheus. their growth rate is scary.

 the crib/manger at church~ so beautifully carved. 

 finally a nice family photo!

me and Auntie Vincentia~ 

 Family and friends~~~ "Where can you find such a caring community like this?" Aunty Pat said after our sharing session the other day. They are all so precious~ Too bad Aunty Pat's family couldnt be with us that day...

credit to Daniel for this photo! our usual place for supper~

i baked yummy chocolate chip cookies the other day~ they tasted yummy because i used milk chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

 on 26th Dec! it was Sara's bday and her mum, sis and Nigel planned a surprise party for her.

the reason we went to KSL the week before was also to help book a room for the party!

it was a success~ but she still suspected something that morning. LOL

 awww she cried~ I should have took a video instead!

photo with the bday girl!

 Sara with her mum and sister! all looking pretty~

 and there's Thaniel, who was supposed to dance for everyone but couldnt coz he music wouldnt play LOL

 need to make full use of the TV while i'm at home! dl-ed a 9GB file of Beast's concert (Zepp Tour) and played in on TV~ FULL HD!!! i couldnt be happier~

Yoon Doojoon~ >___<

HD till the extent you could see their pimples. LOL

Son Dongwoon with his jawline~

he's staring into your soul. XD

those eyes~~~

swagger Yong Junhyung

forever the cutie, Yang Yoseob! with his huge hands~

Yoon Doojoon~~~~ ugh he's so good looking.

Prince Jang~ forever looking flawless.

let's end it with Yoseob~

A Turning Point In Life

I went for a church camp/ retreat called Awaken from December 13th to 16th and I wanted to blog about it right when i came back from camp because i had so much to share! but i was sick and just wasnt in the mood and now, i want to blog about it~ I'm actually not allowed to share much because this retreat is a special retreat where there's no itinerary, you arent suppose to know what happens in the retreat. but i think the possibility of anyone reading this blog post that are going for the retreat is really small so i'll share a bit~

Awaken was held in Singapore and I went for it with a few friends from JB. Oh and i came back to JB on the 12th. and my flight was delayed by an hour so by the time i reached home it was alr midnight and i think i only got 3 hours of sleep the night before Awaken. I was so reluctant to go for the retreat at first because i really wanted to just stay at home, plus i hate going for camps because i never fit in. but i was the one that decided to go at first, i guess deep down i knew i needed to go to this camp and there's a lot of good words going around about how good Awaken is. anyways, i managed to force myself there since we alr paid for it. 

I'm only gonna blog about the important stuff, the stuff that influenced me the most.

firstly, my group! the group i was in was called Goodness and i had a really great facilitator named Ethelyn.

she is really really pretty. sometimes i would just stare at her looking for any flaws on her face LOL *creeper* HAHAHA but she was really really nice. and this other girl named Tricia was really nice too~ all in all, my group members helped me a lot. we have group sharing a few times each day, including our meal time. i have a love-hate relationship with group sharing. i hate it when no one wants to share, and when everyone just keeps to themselves. the irony is that i'm the one that doesnt share or say anything during group sharing. the thing i love about group sharing is that once you dare to speak out and share your thoughts and problems, you'll feel a lot better. And the thing with Goodness was that at first, none of us wanted to share, and no one volunteered to say Grace either. We were so quiet and we just answered the questions our facilitators asked us. but then during day two, our facilitators decided to split us into two groups during group sharing. Girls one group, guys one group. And we girls started to open up more with each other and it felt really good talking about our problems and listening to others'. We were silently helping out each other. there was once where i was talking to Tricia and i was wondering about how they allocated us into groups because my friend, Shirlyn's group was really active. and mine was really... in-active. We were a really shy and quiet group. Then Tricia said, "Maybe because we are all really hurt inside." 

so in my opinion, group sharing really helped a lot. I had really amazing group members that was understanding and never judged. Step by step throughout the retreat, we were healing tgt. and  by the time it was day 4, we had no problem opening up and sharing our thoughts with each other. :)

Our main speaker was Father William Goh and throughout the camp, he gave 17 talks! He was really good and really cute too~ he had this really cute, kind and peaceful smile. I like looking at him when he smiles~ LOL *creeper again* He said that we need to open our hearts, surrender yourself to God. he mentioned some ppl will have a harder time to surrender because there's something in your heart you cant get over with... and that's why we had inner healing sessions. and many talks on sins, to prepare us for our death bed confession. You cannot imagine how much better i felt about myself after confession and all the inner healing sessions. i was so cheerful and i bet if they played Beast songs at the camp, i would be jumping and running around the room~~~ LOL 

Day 1 and Day 2 had more talks. We basically had to sit in the room the whole day until my butt felt sore. and we had to kneel a lot too during those 4 days, which was really torturing. By the end of camp, my knees were all red and kinda blue-blacked. And i cried so much during all the inner healing sessions and sometimes during Father's talks when he touched on some sensitive subjects. I dont even rmb the last time i've cried so much. But it felt really good letting all the tears out. Ethelyn also told us that there's nothing wrong with crying, it's good to cry. She herself cried a lot. everytime a talk or session ended, you'd see a pile of tissues in front of her. 

Day 3 was one of the longest days in my life. I'm not lying. I felt soooo long. It started off with us getting ready for our confession. We had the 'carrying-of-the-cross' before confession. that was tiring. never knew the cross would be so damn heavy. my knees were alr so pain from kneeling that morning. I nearly fell while carrying the cross, my knees were feeling all jelly-like. Then it was time for confession. 

after confession, we had more praise and worship. Then it was time for the 'washing of the feet'. basically it was a way for you to forgive someone or even yourself. You'll find a proxy to be that 'someone' and you'll wash their feet, in a way, you're forgiving. I cried so so much during that session. i just couldnt stop. I stopped when i had to go find my proxy. I chose Ethelyn to be my proxy because i knew she'd be very understanding and she's very supportive. Then i cried more when i was washing her feet and when she comforted me, i cried even more. but i really need to thank her for all she had done. what she did that day really helped me a lot. during Day 2's group sharing, we still couldnt open up, ans she kept asking us, what is the thing that is stopping you from opening up? i was confused. i was  like, how would i know what that 'thing' is? then i mentioned that i had a hard time forgiving ppl. she didnt mention anything right then but the next day we had the washing-of-the-feet and my questions were all answered. After the washing-of-the-feet, i sat down and continued crying and when i stopped, Tricia gave me a big hug. And that hug felt like the nicest hug in the whole wide world. I really needed it. so i have to thank Tricia too. Tricia was crying really hard beside me too. We both needed a hug. :)

We fasted during Day 3, so maybe that's what made the day feel so long. After dinner, we had our inner healing session. i finally opened up that night and surrendered myself to God and i felt his presence that night, the presence of the Holy Spirit. when Father was blessing over me, he said, "Jesus loves you, forgive-" then i fell to ground. Some of you may never have experienced it before, but that's what most ppl do when the Holy Spirit takes over. I didnt really faint or "rest in the spirit" like most other ppl though, i just fell. some ppl laughed or cried, it was kinda scary. but i cried a lot again during that session. i didnt think i would cry because i thought i alr cried so much in the afternoon, i had no more tears but still, Father's words touched me so much. At first i was crying very hard but after a while, tears just kept rolling down my cheeks non-stop. so, Day 3 was really tiring, i think it was the crying that made me so tired. but that night, i still stayed up till 2am chatting with Shirlyn. hehe some more she planned to wake up at 5.30am to go to the Adoration room to pray with her group members. In the end, we both woke at 6.45am. LOL I was suppose to meet my group members to go to the Adoration room too but someone was late so didnt manage to go. LOL

We had another inner healing session during Day 4. I didnt cry much that day though. but i was the second-last to get bless by Father so i saw everything that happened in front of me because i was standing at the last row. it was scary seeing some ppl cry non-stop throughout the session. After that, during our remaining praise and worship sessions, our group members finally opened up and actually started having fun during praise and worship~ That evening, all the parents came and we had mass and some ppl went to give testimonies. And like that, Awaken ended!

After Awaken, we (JB gang) all went to Shirlyn's house with our family to have a sharing session. I guess all our parents were curious about what we learnt from Awaken. I was reluctant to go at first because i was drop dead tired and i missed my laptop a lot and Beast too~ and also i didnt really want to share... but in the end, i changed my mind. i told myseld that sharing is a good thing and i should learn to trust others. We had a huge feast of 6 pizzas at Shirlyn's. and our sharing session went well. It was scary for me, because when you're sharing, everyone's focus in on you and I didnt know where to look at, everywhere i looked, there was someone staring back at me. when i mentioned how my group had a hard time opening up, Aunty Pat also mentioned that those who are hurt always have the hardest time opening up to others. but i rmb Ethelyn said at Awaken that although we are hurt but once you forgive and once you are healed, it'll be easier to open up. and i guess that was my case. :)

I guess this post ended up quite long. hehe. I had a great time at Awaken. Although it was tiring, and i was always falling asleep during the morning sessions. I'm really not a morning person. Like, even during Divine Mercy while we were kneeling, i was falling asleep despite the pain. LOL but Awaken was a turning point in my life. I learnt so much and felt some emotions i never felt before. At Awaken, they make you rmb all the hurt, all the pain you've gone through, even those memories you've chose to forget, that's why i cried so much.
I'm a Catholic but i grew up without a strong faith. As i grew up, i got to choose how i want to live my life, a part of me wanted to exclude God because he was never important in my life before Awaken, but now, i want a life with God in it. I've always thought that religion wasnt important in life, but i guess as we grow older and especially when we get to a stage of life where we feel really hopeless, i guess that's the time where you turn to God. I havent reached that stage of life yet, but i hope that with God in my life, i wont ever need to feel that way. I wish everyone can have a chance to attend Awaken, it will really change your life in one way or another.

 Red velvet cupcakes we had at Awaken! i wish i had a group photo of Goodness to upload but i dont have any.... 

 our unique name tag! it's a mitten~

 our 2012 Awaken t-shirt~

the back of the tee!

 Awaken after-party at Shirlyn's place~

 this was definitely when we were saying Grace. coz the food havent been touched yet. hehe

i'm not in the photo but Dominic is~ havent seen him in so long and he grew taller AGAIN! he's so tall and skinnier too! oh, he's the one is grey/white.

 our sharing session!

lastly, a group shot of the JB gang! clockwise: me, Isaac, Shirlyn, Norman, Randall, Christy and Daniel.

had a good time with them too~ they are all younger than me btw. 

Yong Junhyung's 24th Bday~

boring title. LOL My brain cant function in the morning. although it's not morning now, but i just woke up.
and i'm late to post this again. my excuses: busy, sick. And now i have to rush because at 1pm, i'll have to go to Kluang with my mum to send my aunt there. need to pray hard, make sure it'll be a pleasant trip.
so this would be short. also because i just reformatted my laptop and i dont have much of Junhyung's photos in my files. which is also a good thing. hehe

 HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY JOKER-NIM~~~

he is just so cute sometimes~

 everyone thinks Junhyung is cool, charismatic and serious all the time, but when he's in the mood and he smiles, he's the cutest~

 aegyo??? kekekeke

 i love this hairstyle of his~

 :3 and he's so fair oh my gosh. 

 cutie being sleepy.

 okay, this may be my favourite hairstyle of his!

 this was for Yoseob's Caffeine MV!

 oooh sexy Junhyung~ he kills me every single time.

 contrast between him and the cute bear on the cupcake.

and his lilac hair which i miss. i dont think we'll ever be able to see it again.

 always the fashionable member. but those set of sweats needs to be destroyed!

 looks so cute with his eyes missing. kekeke

 and this must be one of my favourite styles of him.

perfect hair and leather jacket.

 and this is Beast's Bad Girl era~ he looks so youthful.

 Junhyung and his many different amazing hairstyles~

i loved this one too~

 cute pout! and eye-liner. i really think he looks a lot better with eye-liner, at least it suits his style.

but he also looks good without it, it makes him look a lot more youthful.

forever being the gentleman and covering his mouth when he laughs. like a girl. kekekeke

 Junhyung's selcas~~~~ such a cutie!!!

credit to BEST OF BEAST.

look how amazing it is!!! they compiled so many of his photos tgt. i cant post it in it's ori size because it's way too big.

so.... it's almost the end of the year now, and this year really has been amazing for Beast and for Junhyung. 

with Yoseob's Caffeine closing up the year with a really fantastic album.

Junhyung has worked really hard. and gone through so much at the same.

I really cant wait to hear more of his productions. like Yoseob said, he's gonna shine as a really amazing producer and composer. 

I hope you never change, Junhyung-ah. stay cheerful and youthful forever. and stay with Hara forever~ kekeke