Awaken was held in Singapore and I went for it with a few friends from JB. Oh and i came back to JB on the 12th. and my flight was delayed by an hour so by the time i reached home it was alr midnight and i think i only got 3 hours of sleep the night before Awaken. I was so reluctant to go for the retreat at first because i really wanted to just stay at home, plus i hate going for camps because i never fit in. but i was the one that decided to go at first, i guess deep down i knew i needed to go to this camp and there's a lot of good words going around about how good Awaken is. anyways, i managed to force myself there since we alr paid for it.
I'm only gonna blog about the important stuff, the stuff that influenced me the most.
firstly, my group! the group i was in was called Goodness and i had a really great facilitator named Ethelyn.
she is really really pretty. sometimes i would just stare at her looking for any flaws on her face LOL *creeper* HAHAHA but she was really really nice. and this other girl named Tricia was really nice too~ all in all, my group members helped me a lot. we have group sharing a few times each day, including our meal time. i have a love-hate relationship with group sharing. i hate it when no one wants to share, and when everyone just keeps to themselves. the irony is that i'm the one that doesnt share or say anything during group sharing. the thing i love about group sharing is that once you dare to speak out and share your thoughts and problems, you'll feel a lot better. And the thing with Goodness was that at first, none of us wanted to share, and no one volunteered to say Grace either. We were so quiet and we just answered the questions our facilitators asked us. but then during day two, our facilitators decided to split us into two groups during group sharing. Girls one group, guys one group. And we girls started to open up more with each other and it felt really good talking about our problems and listening to others'. We were silently helping out each other. there was once where i was talking to Tricia and i was wondering about how they allocated us into groups because my friend, Shirlyn's group was really active. and mine was really... in-active. We were a really shy and quiet group. Then Tricia said, "Maybe because we are all really hurt inside."
so in my opinion, group sharing really helped a lot. I had really amazing group members that was understanding and never judged. Step by step throughout the retreat, we were healing tgt. and by the time it was day 4, we had no problem opening up and sharing our thoughts with each other. :)
Our main speaker was Father William Goh and throughout the camp, he gave 17 talks! He was really good and really cute too~ he had this really cute, kind and peaceful smile. I like looking at him when he smiles~ LOL *creeper again* He said that we need to open our hearts, surrender yourself to God. he mentioned some ppl will have a harder time to surrender because there's something in your heart you cant get over with... and that's why we had inner healing sessions. and many talks on sins, to prepare us for our death bed confession. You cannot imagine how much better i felt about myself after confession and all the inner healing sessions. i was so cheerful and i bet if they played Beast songs at the camp, i would be jumping and running around the room~~~ LOL
Day 1 and Day 2 had more talks. We basically had to sit in the room the whole day until my butt felt sore. and we had to kneel a lot too during those 4 days, which was really torturing. By the end of camp, my knees were all red and kinda blue-blacked. And i cried so much during all the inner healing sessions and sometimes during Father's talks when he touched on some sensitive subjects. I dont even rmb the last time i've cried so much. But it felt really good letting all the tears out. Ethelyn also told us that there's nothing wrong with crying, it's good to cry. She herself cried a lot. everytime a talk or session ended, you'd see a pile of tissues in front of her.
Day 3 was one of the longest days in my life. I'm not lying. I felt soooo long. It started off with us getting ready for our confession. We had the 'carrying-of-the-cross' before confession. that was tiring. never knew the cross would be so damn heavy. my knees were alr so pain from kneeling that morning. I nearly fell while carrying the cross, my knees were feeling all jelly-like. Then it was time for confession.
after confession, we had more praise and worship. Then it was time for the 'washing of the feet'. basically it was a way for you to forgive someone or even yourself. You'll find a proxy to be that 'someone' and you'll wash their feet, in a way, you're forgiving. I cried so so much during that session. i just couldnt stop. I stopped when i had to go find my proxy. I chose Ethelyn to be my proxy because i knew she'd be very understanding and she's very supportive. Then i cried more when i was washing her feet and when she comforted me, i cried even more. but i really need to thank her for all she had done. what she did that day really helped me a lot. during Day 2's group sharing, we still couldnt open up, ans she kept asking us, what is the thing that is stopping you from opening up? i was confused. i was like, how would i know what that 'thing' is? then i mentioned that i had a hard time forgiving ppl. she didnt mention anything right then but the next day we had the washing-of-the-feet and my questions were all answered. After the washing-of-the-feet, i sat down and continued crying and when i stopped, Tricia gave me a big hug. And that hug felt like the nicest hug in the whole wide world. I really needed it. so i have to thank Tricia too. Tricia was crying really hard beside me too. We both needed a hug. :)
We fasted during Day 3, so maybe that's what made the day feel so long. After dinner, we had our inner healing session. i finally opened up that night and surrendered myself to God and i felt his presence that night, the presence of the Holy Spirit. when Father was blessing over me, he said, "Jesus loves you, forgive-" then i fell to ground. Some of you may never have experienced it before, but that's what most ppl do when the Holy Spirit takes over. I didnt really faint or "rest in the spirit" like most other ppl though, i just fell. some ppl laughed or cried, it was kinda scary. but i cried a lot again during that session. i didnt think i would cry because i thought i alr cried so much in the afternoon, i had no more tears but still, Father's words touched me so much. At first i was crying very hard but after a while, tears just kept rolling down my cheeks non-stop. so, Day 3 was really tiring, i think it was the crying that made me so tired. but that night, i still stayed up till 2am chatting with Shirlyn. hehe some more she planned to wake up at 5.30am to go to the Adoration room to pray with her group members. In the end, we both woke at 6.45am. LOL I was suppose to meet my group members to go to the Adoration room too but someone was late so didnt manage to go. LOL
We had another inner healing session during Day 4. I didnt cry much that day though. but i was the second-last to get bless by Father so i saw everything that happened in front of me because i was standing at the last row. it was scary seeing some ppl cry non-stop throughout the session. After that, during our remaining praise and worship sessions, our group members finally opened up and actually started having fun during praise and worship~ That evening, all the parents came and we had mass and some ppl went to give testimonies. And like that, Awaken ended!
After Awaken, we (JB gang) all went to Shirlyn's house with our family to have a sharing session. I guess all our parents were curious about what we learnt from Awaken. I was reluctant to go at first because i was drop dead tired and i missed my laptop a lot and Beast too~ and also i didnt really want to share... but in the end, i changed my mind. i told myseld that sharing is a good thing and i should learn to trust others. We had a huge feast of 6 pizzas at Shirlyn's. and our sharing session went well. It was scary for me, because when you're sharing, everyone's focus in on you and I didnt know where to look at, everywhere i looked, there was someone staring back at me. when i mentioned how my group had a hard time opening up, Aunty Pat also mentioned that those who are hurt always have the hardest time opening up to others. but i rmb Ethelyn said at Awaken that although we are hurt but once you forgive and once you are healed, it'll be easier to open up. and i guess that was my case. :)
I guess this post ended up quite long. hehe. I had a great time at Awaken. Although it was tiring, and i was always falling asleep during the morning sessions. I'm really not a morning person. Like, even during Divine Mercy while we were kneeling, i was falling asleep despite the pain. LOL but Awaken was a turning point in my life. I learnt so much and felt some emotions i never felt before. At Awaken, they make you rmb all the hurt, all the pain you've gone through, even those memories you've chose to forget, that's why i cried so much.
I'm a Catholic but i grew up without a strong faith. As i grew up, i got to choose how i want to live my life, a part of me wanted to exclude God because he was never important in my life before Awaken, but now, i want a life with God in it. I've always thought that religion wasnt important in life, but i guess as we grow older and especially when we get to a stage of life where we feel really hopeless, i guess that's the time where you turn to God. I havent reached that stage of life yet, but i hope that with God in my life, i wont ever need to feel that way. I wish everyone can have a chance to attend Awaken, it will really change your life in one way or another.
After Awaken, we (JB gang) all went to Shirlyn's house with our family to have a sharing session. I guess all our parents were curious about what we learnt from Awaken. I was reluctant to go at first because i was drop dead tired and i missed my laptop a lot and Beast too~ and also i didnt really want to share... but in the end, i changed my mind. i told myseld that sharing is a good thing and i should learn to trust others. We had a huge feast of 6 pizzas at Shirlyn's. and our sharing session went well. It was scary for me, because when you're sharing, everyone's focus in on you and I didnt know where to look at, everywhere i looked, there was someone staring back at me. when i mentioned how my group had a hard time opening up, Aunty Pat also mentioned that those who are hurt always have the hardest time opening up to others. but i rmb Ethelyn said at Awaken that although we are hurt but once you forgive and once you are healed, it'll be easier to open up. and i guess that was my case. :)
I guess this post ended up quite long. hehe. I had a great time at Awaken. Although it was tiring, and i was always falling asleep during the morning sessions. I'm really not a morning person. Like, even during Divine Mercy while we were kneeling, i was falling asleep despite the pain. LOL but Awaken was a turning point in my life. I learnt so much and felt some emotions i never felt before. At Awaken, they make you rmb all the hurt, all the pain you've gone through, even those memories you've chose to forget, that's why i cried so much.
I'm a Catholic but i grew up without a strong faith. As i grew up, i got to choose how i want to live my life, a part of me wanted to exclude God because he was never important in my life before Awaken, but now, i want a life with God in it. I've always thought that religion wasnt important in life, but i guess as we grow older and especially when we get to a stage of life where we feel really hopeless, i guess that's the time where you turn to God. I havent reached that stage of life yet, but i hope that with God in my life, i wont ever need to feel that way. I wish everyone can have a chance to attend Awaken, it will really change your life in one way or another.
Red velvet cupcakes we had at Awaken! i wish i had a group photo of Goodness to upload but i dont have any....
our unique name tag! it's a mitten~
our 2012 Awaken t-shirt~
the back of the tee!
Awaken after-party at Shirlyn's place~
this was definitely when we were saying Grace. coz the food havent been touched yet. hehe
i'm not in the photo but Dominic is~ havent seen him in so long and he grew taller AGAIN! he's so tall and skinnier too! oh, he's the one is grey/white.
our sharing session!
lastly, a group shot of the JB gang! clockwise: me, Isaac, Shirlyn, Norman, Randall, Christy and Daniel.
had a good time with them too~ they are all younger than me btw.
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