Before I leave...

My last sleep before I leave to the UK.... This is sad.
Today has been a really long day for me. Really really long. I wanted to sleep before 3am but i think i only manage to sleep at around 4am. and then... My aircond, for no reason, turned off in the middle of the night. I dunno what time i woke up but i'm guessing around 5.30am, I woke up sweaty and sticky because it was so stuffy in the room. I was in no mood to continue sleeping. I did try to sleep but then it was 6am and I heard my younger bro getting ready to go to school. I continued trying to ignore all the noises and sleep but no luck because then it was time for all the school buses to start driving pass my house... TT_____TT By then, I was so restless and just couldnt stand it anymore. I ended up tossing and turning until 7am, which was my mum's turn to get up and get ready for work.
I even tried playing some of my favourite relaxing songs to help me find my way back to dreamland but failed terribly... I just ended up working my brain up even more than before. It was so annoying, not being able to sleep. At last, at 8am, i gave up and got out of bed and decided to start my day earlier then planned.

I started packing. Does anyone ever like packing?! It's one of the most stressful things to do, in my opinion, especially when you have half a closet of clothes and personal items that you want to pack into a luggage which obviously has insufficient space. I've been packing all day and now i've finally manage to fit almost everything into my luggage. Still have some last minute things to put into the luggage tmr and hoping that when i wake up tmr, there will magically be more space for me to put my stuff LOL.

My uncle tried to help me pack but I dont like it when ppl touch my stuff so.... I was so close to shouting at him. And recently, he's been treating me like a kid, which is something i hate the most. I know he's worried, but if he wants me to be independent, he needs to start treating me like an adult! It's not that i'm not grateful for his help and advice and he just doesnt leave any space for my own opinions on stuff and I just have to obediently follow every instruction he gives, which is so freaking annoying. All day, he's definitely said, "Be extra careful with blah blah blah" for a hundred times! I'm nineteen years old, i've lived away from home for the last one and half years, does he think i still dont know how to take care of myself?! And i havent even started classes yet and he's alr comparing me to other ppl! like seriously, I'm not in secondary school anymore, what is there to compare about?! I rmb before i started A-Levels, he said i needed to do really good because i needed good results to get into a good uni and once you get into a good uni, there's nothing much to worry about anymore but today he said, "You need to study really hard for your degree, you really need to focus because you need good results to get into a better uni to do your masters. It's really important to go into a good uni because it'll benefit you when you apply for a job, employers from all the top firms all want ppl from the best unis." I just sat there silently, trying to get rid of all these words from my brain. I was litereally SO CLOSE to screaming STFU ALREADY at him. Leaving home to live in totally different place and knowing that i most probably wont be able to come home for the next 3 years is alr hard enough to face, now i need to worry about getting my masters and getting a job at a top firm?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

sry for the long rant.... i only got about 2 hours of sleep and i'm just so so so tired and my whole body aches but i dont dare to go to bed because i'm scared all of these things will repeat its selves again.....

Anyway, i got through all of that and finally had some time to rest and watch Running Man with Thaniel. I love watching RM with my bro because its so much more fun to have someone else to laugh with. My bro literally fell off the couch when Kwangsoo did something stupid XD
After that, we had dinner as a family and started getting ready for a farewell gathering my mum organized for me. She invited a few close family friends from church over to have a snack and chat. All the aunties and uncles talked about horror stories while we kids watched The Conjuring. I watched it before so i watched RM again with Nidia LOL.
The movie ended and it was time for them to leave and all of them took a few photos and the uncles and aunties wished me well and i was trying so hard not to cry. I've been training myself not to cry for the last few weeks.... and i made it, i didnt cry. All the aunties laughed and said i should really find a boyfriend when i go over to London.... ha ha ha ha........ They are all so kind and we've all known each other for so long... it was so hard to say goodbye... to Auntie Pat, the kindest person i've ever known and Dominic, Norman and Zacheus... and Auntie Vincentia who has been so nice to me all this while... and Auntie Sara, who never fails to praise me when she sees me, she either says i've lost weight/ i look pretty/ i have a sweet smile and etc to make me feel good about myself TT_____TT All these amazing ppl...... I dunno why but although it's just 3 years,  it somehow feels like forever.... :'(

Ytd, i met with a few friends (photos will be up soon) and it was hard to say good bye too but not as hard as it was today. Tmr it will be even harder.... i cant cry... i wont let myself cry.... usually even when i leave for Subang, i feel like crying but i've managed not to because i know i'll be able to see them soon in a few months' time but this time it's a totally different situation. Whether or not i ended up crying, i'll let you know in my next post, which will be from the future me from the other side of the planet, with a 7 hour time difference.

I'm not ready to leave yet. I'm not ready to take a 16 hour flight to the other side of the world.
Just let me have a good night's sleep for now and hope that tmr will not be as bad as i imagined it to be.
Farewell. I'm gonna miss everything and everyone from home.



P/S: I dont think i'll be able to hold in my tears in the airport. TT_____TT

Another few more days to go....

This blog post should've been up on Monday... it's alr Sunday... sigh the power of procrastination...

I'll try to keep this short. The main point of this post is to announce that I'll be leaving for England on the 11th of September (Wednesday). I'm taking the night flight from Changi Airport, will stop by Doha for an interchange (I'm taking Qatar Airways), then I'll reach Heathrow Airport on Thursday morning (UK time). 

I received my passport in the mail this Monday with my student visa in it then my uncle helped me book my flight on that day. We could've bought it earlier while the fares were lower but my uncle insisted we wait till I get my student visa. Just to make sure nothing goes wrong. We checked out a lot of other airlines and Qatar Airways were offering the lowest fares... My uncle was worried at first and insisted i take a non-stop flight to Heathrow but those flights are just way too expensive. Tbh, I dont mind taking a longer flight and i'm not really scared of travelling there alone. I'm more scared of when i reach UK and finally needing to get back to reality and start uni and meet ppl, that's what i'm scared of. My aunt will be there at the airport to pick me up and I'll be staying with her...... for the next three years.... X_____X  Her place is actually quite far away from Queen Mary so i'll be having a of travelling to do each day to and forth uni. So i secretly hope when i get more familiar with London, maybe in my second or third year, i can move out, rent a room or something but that would cost a bomb so.... sigh.... I secretly hope it's possible though. 

In case some of you dont know, I'm taking up a Business Management course in Queen Mary University of London. City University (Cass Business School) was actually my firm choice when I applied through UCAS, but unfortunately.... I didnt manage to mmet their requirements, which was AAA. I got ABB... which i could sense, both my uncle and my mum were a bit disappointed about when i told them about it although they didnt really say it out loud, it was written all over their faces. My uncle a lot more than my mum. I personally really wanted to get into Cass too but i know my own abilities and i expected my results to be as how it turned out to be. So.... tbh, i was a bit sad myself but meh, Queen Mary is really good too and I can never be grateful enough to have such a huge opportunity to study in London. Cass did offer me a few Banking and Finance courses when i didnt meet my selected course's requirement but..... although i really really wanted to study at Cass, i didnt want to make a decision i would regret so i chose to decline their offer. Sometimes i wonder whether i'll regret this decision in the future... let's hope i wont.

My orientation starts on the 16th of Sept. I need to go for enrolment on the 14th and classes start on the 23rd. I'm really scared and worried of what i'm about to face but the thought of finally being able to learn new things excites me. I've almost gotten everything ready for now... I havent packed yet though. I also didnt buy much stuff coz my aunt adviced me not to. She said it'll be cheaper to buy winter clothing there. I dont dare to start packing though.... I hate packing... it means that all of this is really really happening.... and that i only have a few more days left here in my cozy home with my family. Nigel came back from Subang so that he will be able to send me off.... Mummy even ordered a mille crepe cake to celebrate my birthday in advance. We'll be eating that tmr i think. Thinking about all of this is.... kind of depressing in a way. I'm not ready to leave yet. I've tried to finish doing all the things i've been wanting to do this break.... but i failed to play the piano... I did play a bit but not enough to satisfy my needs of it. I love playing the piano, it's relaxing and comforting. I also failed to clean my room thoroughly, though i did throw out a lot of stuff. 

What else is there to say.....? I guess that's all for now. I may make one more entry before i leave.... if not, then i'll see you from the other side of the world! : )

P/S: Did i mention that Yang Yoseob is the cutest guy in the world???? I decided to make him my bias for the day. heeheehee (my fangirl-self just couldn't restraint herself XD)

A Letter To Hyunseung~ ❤

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JANG HYUNSEUNG~ ❤

현승오빠~ 생일 진심으로 축하해요 사랑해 ❤

Dear Hyunseung,

You're so precious. I still rmb the day I met Beast for the first time... The day I saw you in person the first time. Your face right in front of me... and your cute short fingers while we hi-5-ed. kekeke I was totally blown away by how gorgeous you were. You looked kinda angelic when you smiled and that was the day I fell for you. The other boys looked amazing that day too but maybe it was because you were the first in line that day... you just made a bigger impact in my memories. LOL After that day, I started calling you my second bias in Beast. Of course, now, my "bias list" doesnt exist anymore. I rmb when the first time Beast came to Msia, i didnt go see you guys but i saw tweets saying how most fans ignored you... I was so sad and kinda mad seeing that... I was worried you'd think that you dont have many fans or something... that made me want to like you even more~ I even made a collage of over a hundred photos of you on your bday 3 years ago kekeke.

I've always and will always have a soft spot for you. Your unpredictable emotions and characteristic can sometimes worry the fans. You rarely communicate with fans unlike the other boys but we dont complain about that because we know your reasons for doing so. During those performances during Beast's hiatus where we finally got to see you, you were mostly quiet and didnt seem to be as cheerful as you were before on stage, we all worried. I know all B2utys worry... it's just that we trust that you're okay and that's just who you are and that you'll get over whatever you're going through and be your bright, 4D self again. So we chose to stay silent and not make a big fuss out of it. During last June's AIA Kpop Concert, where you didnt  seem to be in the best condition, you didnt talk much and didnt join in the fun with the other members, I really worried, a part of me worried you'd be like that forever. But a part of me knew that bright and cheerful Hyunseung was in there somewhere.

And we got to see that side of you again during Beautiful Show 2013! I rmb that first selca you took with one of your friends. It was one of the first photos released before the concert, that smile on your face brightened every B2utys' day. We were all so glad that the gorgeous, smiley Hyunseung was back! Then, you put on an incredible show for everyone during the concert~ We could all see that passion in you when you performed. The stage is where you belong and I hope you know that the fans will always be there for you.

Stay pretty okay? kekeke I know you hate it when fans call you "goddess" but you cant deny the fact that you're more beautiful than most girls! LOL Stay passionate in your dreams and continue to put on amazing performances for us~ ^____^ As always, please never change.

Photo time!!!

 this top.... is a bit too revealing dont you think? LOL revealing all your fair skin

 Hyunseung and his obsession with confetti tears

Hyunseung's obsession for long confetti tears XD

 our angel~

 this photo is just... mesmerizing 

 cutie looking like a kid 

 so beautiful. 

 he's a normal guy just like everyone else who cant live without the internet.

Hyunseung-ah.... how did you get so fair? mind sharing your secrets?

 Hey JS~ flashback to Hyunseung's Trouble Maker days! 

 I miss the red head Hyunseung sometimes.... he pulled it off so well~

 LOL kitten ears~ so adorable!

 aish... i cant find a nice photo of Hyunseung from this particular fansign... I liked how he looked that day.

 sometimes it seems like he changed a lot since this photo was taken, which was during Beast's first concert, but when you look closely, he didnt change at all. maybe only his skin got fairer, a lot fairer. seriously, how did he do it?

 I just had to include this photo of Trouble Maker.... they look so good tgt....

 all i see is that jaw line.....

 I love this photo

  airport fashion.... you're the best at it right? such a simple combination of clothing yet so chic and fashionable. Then there's manager Yongbok's face in the corner LOL

4D, freaky Hyunseung doing his thing!

this was the photo i mentioned above... It's a blessing to see Hyunseung smile like this~

he's just so.... precious. i love him so much~~~~

Lastly, i just wanted to share a video of Hyunseung.... A video of him during his days as a trainee at YG. These are clips of Hyunseung from Big Bang's Documentary. It's so sad to see his dreams snatched away from him just like that... But he belongs to Beast and it was meant to be. It was fate working its way... and fate is kind. : )