Before I leave...

My last sleep before I leave to the UK.... This is sad.
Today has been a really long day for me. Really really long. I wanted to sleep before 3am but i think i only manage to sleep at around 4am. and then... My aircond, for no reason, turned off in the middle of the night. I dunno what time i woke up but i'm guessing around 5.30am, I woke up sweaty and sticky because it was so stuffy in the room. I was in no mood to continue sleeping. I did try to sleep but then it was 6am and I heard my younger bro getting ready to go to school. I continued trying to ignore all the noises and sleep but no luck because then it was time for all the school buses to start driving pass my house... TT_____TT By then, I was so restless and just couldnt stand it anymore. I ended up tossing and turning until 7am, which was my mum's turn to get up and get ready for work.
I even tried playing some of my favourite relaxing songs to help me find my way back to dreamland but failed terribly... I just ended up working my brain up even more than before. It was so annoying, not being able to sleep. At last, at 8am, i gave up and got out of bed and decided to start my day earlier then planned.

I started packing. Does anyone ever like packing?! It's one of the most stressful things to do, in my opinion, especially when you have half a closet of clothes and personal items that you want to pack into a luggage which obviously has insufficient space. I've been packing all day and now i've finally manage to fit almost everything into my luggage. Still have some last minute things to put into the luggage tmr and hoping that when i wake up tmr, there will magically be more space for me to put my stuff LOL.

My uncle tried to help me pack but I dont like it when ppl touch my stuff so.... I was so close to shouting at him. And recently, he's been treating me like a kid, which is something i hate the most. I know he's worried, but if he wants me to be independent, he needs to start treating me like an adult! It's not that i'm not grateful for his help and advice and he just doesnt leave any space for my own opinions on stuff and I just have to obediently follow every instruction he gives, which is so freaking annoying. All day, he's definitely said, "Be extra careful with blah blah blah" for a hundred times! I'm nineteen years old, i've lived away from home for the last one and half years, does he think i still dont know how to take care of myself?! And i havent even started classes yet and he's alr comparing me to other ppl! like seriously, I'm not in secondary school anymore, what is there to compare about?! I rmb before i started A-Levels, he said i needed to do really good because i needed good results to get into a good uni and once you get into a good uni, there's nothing much to worry about anymore but today he said, "You need to study really hard for your degree, you really need to focus because you need good results to get into a better uni to do your masters. It's really important to go into a good uni because it'll benefit you when you apply for a job, employers from all the top firms all want ppl from the best unis." I just sat there silently, trying to get rid of all these words from my brain. I was litereally SO CLOSE to screaming STFU ALREADY at him. Leaving home to live in totally different place and knowing that i most probably wont be able to come home for the next 3 years is alr hard enough to face, now i need to worry about getting my masters and getting a job at a top firm?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

sry for the long rant.... i only got about 2 hours of sleep and i'm just so so so tired and my whole body aches but i dont dare to go to bed because i'm scared all of these things will repeat its selves again.....

Anyway, i got through all of that and finally had some time to rest and watch Running Man with Thaniel. I love watching RM with my bro because its so much more fun to have someone else to laugh with. My bro literally fell off the couch when Kwangsoo did something stupid XD
After that, we had dinner as a family and started getting ready for a farewell gathering my mum organized for me. She invited a few close family friends from church over to have a snack and chat. All the aunties and uncles talked about horror stories while we kids watched The Conjuring. I watched it before so i watched RM again with Nidia LOL.
The movie ended and it was time for them to leave and all of them took a few photos and the uncles and aunties wished me well and i was trying so hard not to cry. I've been training myself not to cry for the last few weeks.... and i made it, i didnt cry. All the aunties laughed and said i should really find a boyfriend when i go over to London.... ha ha ha ha........ They are all so kind and we've all known each other for so long... it was so hard to say goodbye... to Auntie Pat, the kindest person i've ever known and Dominic, Norman and Zacheus... and Auntie Vincentia who has been so nice to me all this while... and Auntie Sara, who never fails to praise me when she sees me, she either says i've lost weight/ i look pretty/ i have a sweet smile and etc to make me feel good about myself TT_____TT All these amazing ppl...... I dunno why but although it's just 3 years,  it somehow feels like forever.... :'(

Ytd, i met with a few friends (photos will be up soon) and it was hard to say good bye too but not as hard as it was today. Tmr it will be even harder.... i cant cry... i wont let myself cry.... usually even when i leave for Subang, i feel like crying but i've managed not to because i know i'll be able to see them soon in a few months' time but this time it's a totally different situation. Whether or not i ended up crying, i'll let you know in my next post, which will be from the future me from the other side of the planet, with a 7 hour time difference.

I'm not ready to leave yet. I'm not ready to take a 16 hour flight to the other side of the world.
Just let me have a good night's sleep for now and hope that tmr will not be as bad as i imagined it to be.
Farewell. I'm gonna miss everything and everyone from home.



P/S: I dont think i'll be able to hold in my tears in the airport. TT_____TT