Unexpected

So... I got my AS results today...
and... i still cant believe it... i got straight A~!!! but seriously, i still cant believe it. I keep wanting to go back to CIE's website to check my results again to see whether i saw it wrongly or something. but i gave my mum my password and all and she helped me check again too, and she told me i didnt see wrongly. LOL

just so you know, i never ever expected to get 3A. NEVER. I have never imagined myself as a straight A student. And i know people see you differently when they know about your results, even i see myself differently right after i knew my results. like, am i really capable of getting 3A? did i really work hard?
I really thought i didnt work hard enough for AS... like for example, i still had time for Beast and all those kpop stuff. and i was really expecting only to get 3B.
and I wasnt nervous at all! I wasnt nervous even when i was checking my results at 2pm just now. I dunno why but i just had no reason to be nervous, i guess. but i've never been nervous when it comes to getting results. i've always been like that.
and the weird thing was, last night/early this morning, i had a dream of Yoseob and my results.
I told Hy in the morning that i dreamt about Yoseob and getting my results but i didnt get to see my grades in my dream. but what i didnt mention to her in the morning was that an image flashed into my mind before i woke up. I'm not sure whether i was still dreaming or when i was half-awake but an image of me getting straight A flashed in my mind but i chose to ignore it because i knew it was nonsense. And i didnt mention it to Hy because i knew it didnt mean anything but also, i didnt want to jinx it or anything like that.
and who knew? i really got straight A! and when i told Hy about it this afternoon, she mentioned my creepy six sense thing. LOL i would never had thought it was my six sense until she mentioned it.

We all thought our results were going be released at 6am, so we all checked in the morning but nothing was released.
our maths class ended around 1.50pm and a few of us stayed in the classroom and waited for 2pm so we could check our results. We even countdown-ed each minute, it wasnt nerve wrecking at all (for me hehe).
when the clock on my phone turned 14:00, i refreshed my page and went O___O.
and squealed a bit when i saw my results and i couldnt stand sitting so i walked around the room. LOL
i called my mum right after that. and i forgot to tell her that i was getting my results today. hahaha
when i asked her to guess my results, she said, "since you're calling me then it must be all A?"
hahaha fyi, i never call my mum. i rarely call her. yeah, i'm a bad daughter but that's how my relationship with my mum is. I rather text or email or Skype.
I felt really happy when i told my mum about it. because it's the first time in my whole life getting such results. My mum must have been really shocked by it too.

Then when i was back in my room, i called my uncle. I didnt plan to call him at first, but in the end, i guessed he deserved a phone call rather than an email.
So i called, and i dont think i even rmb the last time i called him, he must've been shocked by the phone call.
but when i told him about my results, he said, "VERY GOOD, GIRL. VERY GOOD."
and i was smiling so wide. i literally could hear him smile at the other end of the line too. :)
it only struck me ytd night that i seemed to have disappointed my uncle more than i have disappointed my mum throughout my life because my uncle always expects a lot from me while my mum doesnt really have any expectations from me.
from UPSR, to PMR and SPM, everytime i go home to tell my uncle my results, he just never seemed happy. he smiles and tells me that i've done well but there's always that tad bit of disappointment. The feeling of never being good enough is one of the worst feelings ever. and needing to feel that throughout my life as a student was really hard. until now i'm always thinking that no matter how hard i study, it will never be enough, that i can always work harder, do better.
This time around, finally, i feel like it's the first time ever in my life, i've really made my uncle feel proud or even, truly happy. all he wanted for me in my life was to get a good education and get into a good uni. You cannot imagine how much he wants that for me. all my life, that's the only thing he's been pressuring me on.
making him happy with good results is so much more meaningful than making my mum happy. because that's all he has expected from me. he never expected anything else.
he brought me up well. and i'm just so grateful. growing up, i noticed i learnt more stuff from him than i have from my mum. my personality is more like him compared to my mum, he influenced me a lot. i guess throughout my whole life, the amount of time i spent with my uncle is way more than the time i spent with my mum.
my uncle has always been there for me. more than my mum has been. since kindergarten till form 5. he'll always be there before i leave for school and when i come back from school. although he's strict and hot-tempered sometimes but all those lectures were all for my own good i guess.
I'm the disciplined person i am today because of him. i have so much to thank him for.
and a lot of times, i take those stuff for granted. but that's what humans always do right? take things for granted.
i'm just really happy that i could make my uncle and my mum happy. Their happiness is so much more important than my own.
okay... this just turned into an appreciation post. LOL


that's all i guess. tmr i will finally going to see a dermatologist to get my skin better. i'll leave that story for my next post. and on Thursday, i will be meeting up with Minyan and Olivia~ i dont know whether i'll be in the mood for shopping but i'm definitely happy to be able to spend some time with them~